


Caligari

by itsthewickedstepmother



Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst, Comfort/Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Missing Scene, Past Rape/Non-con, Spoilers for Part 2, Trauma, and she's either just not addressing it or suppressing it and i need to love and protect her, because what zelda went through was fucked up to the highest extent, oh and, past trauma, the scene we needed in the show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2020-01-11 03:59:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18422361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsthewickedstepmother/pseuds/itsthewickedstepmother
Summary: Zelda knew she had to relive her own nightmare all over again in order to keep up the pretence. In order to protect her family. It had to be done yet as the dread consumed her she couldn’t seem to will herself to move.Perhaps after all that time living as a glorified doll she’d forgotten how to.





	Caligari

_Satan in Hell what am I wearing?_

It had been her first appalled thought when she had caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror on her honeymoon and seen what he had turned her into. That dress and those _ghastly_ pink nails. It hadn’t occurred to her initially that the change in her appearance was just the beginning of her losing complete autonomy over herself, her own will and her own mind. 

_Florals? Over my dead body._

She had flicked her wrist and tried to change back but nothing happened, and that's when the realisation had kicked in like cold paralysing dread. That's when she had heard the music flooding her head, drowning herself out leaving no air left to breathe. She was nothing but a spectator trapped inside her own life, watching powerless as it unraveled and stopped being her own. 

“It was torture. Being conscious while Faustus made me dance to his infernal tune.” 

“Are you saying you were aware?”

“Every second. And yet unable to make my own choices.” 

 _But not in front of Sabrina,_ Zelda reminded herself. She had a duty to protect the young girl which she had already failed in allowing herself to be used like this in the first place. Taking a long, slow, steadying drag on her cigarette she was unwavering that Sabrina would never see her crumble. 

Zelda brushed past the topic as casually as she could bring herself to and swiftly moved the conversation on, flatly refusing to divulge any more details of her ordeal than necessary in front of her niece. No one else needed to know about the way her skin had crawled every moment that he touched her; the way her mind had screamed at her body with every command she was given but there was nothing she could do but smile and nod and willingly comply as that heaven forsaken music had played and played and played, suffocating her free will in its sickly melody. Nobody else needed any of that weighing on their shoulders and besides, there were more important matters at hand to be dealing with. 

_The fewer people who know, the less real it ever was._

“Right now we have to act quickly. Ambrose’s execution approaches but his death is just one step in Blackwood’s plan to topple the Spellmans.” 

Between increasingly frequent sips of whiskey Zelda explained what was happening and she, Hilda and Sabrina quickly formulated a plan of their own. Once everything had been laid out Zelda took one last drink before rising from the kitchen table and announcing her intention to go back to the academy immediately so as not to arouse Blackwood's suspicions. Her niece and younger sister watched her go, worried eyes following her hurry from the room whilst the troubled atmosphere remained thick in her wake. 

Once she was out of their sight Zelda’s pace quickened and nerves fluttered inside of her, the prospect of returning to Blackwood and continuing to play his diabolical game slowly consuming her, shaking all the strength from her body as she tried adamantly to carry herself towards the door.

_"Yes, Husband"_

_"Of course, Husband"_

_"Right away, Husband"_

The memory of the music started echoing in her head all over again as her mind went back there. Answering to his every beck and call, subservient to his every need and desire with a smile and a scream that burned her insides yet never reached the surface no matter how hard she tried. No control and no choice, never any answer to give but _yes._

Without Hilda or Sabrina around to maintain her stoic composure for the air started to feel thinner around her, everything spinning like the porcelain figure dancing inside the music box. Round and round and round and suddenly Zelda just needed to escape, her feet turning sharply as she backed away from the door and found herself running upstairs toward the bedroom instead, sobs escaping her despite her desperate attempts to contain them. 

She reached the welcome solace of the familiar room and closed the door behind her, crying and exhaling with the sheer relief of finally being alone with her own body again. Free to breathe for herself without somebody else pulling the strings of her endless waking nightmare. Through her tears she caught sight of her reflection in the mirror on the dressing table and all at once her distress turned to anger. Rage boiling to the surface along with the agonising need to separate herself from the version that had been forced to submit and obey as the compliant biddable housewife. _How dare he._ Her stomach churned as she glared at the woman looking back at her; all pink and gold and painted softness that had been forced upon her until finally she couldn't stand to look at herself a moment longer.

Zelda let out an anguished scream, thrusting her hand towards the mirror and repeating a spell in her mind until it forcefully shattered. Glass splintered at her feet as she reached around her shoulders and violently ripped the silky pastel fabric from her body. _Her body._ It didn't feel like hers anymore. She needed to make it feel like hers again. 

Rushing to the wardrobe Zelda redressed herself with shaking hands, all the pent up emotion she had been unable to express for the past two weeks coursing through her being all at once as she found an outfit reminiscent of who she really was. _Who she was before._ Smoothing down the familiar black skirt she sat at the dressing table, her reflection blurring as tears filled her eyes but she paid them no attention as she firmly wiped away the bright pink lipstick still on her lips, scrubbing in a manner so rough it left her skin stinging painfully as she replaced it with her darkest shade of red.

 _There._ She reasoned with the shards of her reflection. _All back to normal._

Except nothing was back to normal and she knew she had to relive her own nightmare all over again in order to keep up the pretence. In order to protect her family. It _had_ to be done yet as the dread consumed her she couldn’t seem to will herself to move. _Perhaps after all that time living as a glorified doll she’d forgotten how to._

“Zelds?” Hilda suddenly pushed the bedroom door open, taking her older sister by surprise as Zelda realised in dismay that she must have overheard the commotion. “I thought you were going back to the academy?”

Red hair spun over her shoulder as she turned to face her sister, quickly neutralising her expression and doing her best to steady her trembling voice as she spoke.

“I was. I am, I just- I- I needed a moment to feel…like myself again.” Zelda crossed her arms defensively, explaining the situation away as though this was absolutely nothing out of the ordinary. But the bedroom in clear disarray betrayed her state of mind along with the smudged mascara under her eyes and the glassy sheen of tears she was angrily refusing to allow fall. 

Hilda stood frozen in the doorway, knowing better than to leave her sister in such a state and concern washed over her as she glanced from the smashed mirror to the floral dress torn on the floor.

“Are you…are you sure you don't want to talk?” She stepped into the bedroom and softly closed the door behind her, approaching the bed where Zelda was now fiercely avoiding eye contact. 

“I’m fine Hilda. You need to get going, Ambrose and Sabrina need us.”

“And what about what you need? What you’ve been through...” 

Zelda rolled her eyes and drew in a breath as Hilda sat down beside her, desperately trying to brush it all off and hold herself together but the worry in her sister’s gentle voice had permeated through the protective hardness she wore like a second skin. _Damn her._

“I told you I’m fine, I just needed a minute.” 

A tear slipped down Zelda’s porcelain cheek which she angrily swiped away, cursing it for daring to reveal too much as everything inside her simmered dangerously close to the surface until Hilda wrapped her arms around her sister and she cried against her.

“Oh Zelda,” Hilda felt the shake of her shoulders and pulled her close to soothe her, Zelda allowing herself little more than a minute of comfort before sitting upright again and trying to regain her composure.

“There’s no time.” Zelda whispered, grasping at any excuse not to address the memories clawing at her. There was much too much else at stake right now for her to let everyone down and drown in her own sorrows. 

Family first and foremost. 

“We have time Zelds. There’s three of us, and I’m doing the lions share remember?” Hilda gave her a tiny nudge as she repeated her instruction from earlier, relieved to see her sister chuckle in response with a small nod before silence fell between them again. 

“Listen, whatever he-" Hilda’s voice stumbled, hesitant on how or whether to voice any of the scenarios going through her mind. Both sisters stared at the floor as Hilda cleared her throat and tried again. “You weren’t to know how far he would go. And if he laid so much as a finger on you-"

"Hilda," Zelda cut her off, refusing to think about it. But her younger sister kept her eyes firmly fixed on her as Zelda shifted uncomfortably on the bed, not wanting Hilda to think about it either. 

"If he did," Hilda's voice continued shakily and Zelda blinked towards the ceiling, willing her tears not to betray her again. "Then that's on him, not you, you hear me?"

Zelda slowly met her gaze, looking as though she believed her for just a split second before she snapped back into self preservation mode and shook her head with another habitual roll of her eyes. “How could I have been so foolish as to ever think this would end any differently.” 

“Hey,” Hilda took hold of her hands as she tried to pull away, keeping her close until she finally looked back and their eyes met again. “You, Zelda Spellman, are no fool. None of this is your fault, and he’s not going to get away with it I can tell you that for certain.” 

The protectiveness of her sister's tone, laced with the threat of her little known darker side unleashed when anyone dared mess with the people she loved brought the faintest hint of Zelda's old smile back to her face again, reminding her who she was and a fiercely determined sparkle flashed through her eyes as they glittered darkly into her sister's. 

“No.” She agreed firmly. “He won’t.” 

Wiping her tears firmly away Zelda turned from the mirror and muttered an incantation under her breath. Closing her eyes as the spell restored her previous appearance she felt the tightness of the floral dress regain its grip on her body, the fabric and the fantasy it had been created for suffocating her all over again. Her breathing quickened in panic and then mercifully relaxed as she felt Hilda’s calming hand resting on her upper arm, grounding her and reassuring her that she was safe now. _You are in control,_ she repeated to herself mentally over and over. _You are in control. He can’t make you do anything ever again._

“Okay?” Hilda asked cautiously as Zelda opened her eyes, calmer now, but still flatly refusing to look at herself. Zelda nodded her assurance. _For now at least._  She pasted her well practiced sickly smile back on her lips in determination despite the wrenching churn in her stomach and turned to the door.

_You are in control._

He wasn't going to get away with this.

_You are in control._

"Let's go." 

_You are in control._


End file.
